30 Relatable and Hysterical Truths About the Third Trimester

by Karen Johnson

Which trimester of pregnancy is the worst? It’s a toss-up for many women between the first and third. The first few weeks are often full of vomit and exhaustion, whereas the last few are incredibly uncomfortable. The truth about the third trimester is that you always have to pee, and getting up and going to the bathroom 17 times a day is quite the task.

The third trimester is as exciting because it’s the end of this amazing physical feat, which means you’ll meet your baby soon. So, whether you love the third trimester because you’re nesting and joyously filling dresser drawers with tiny onesies and little socks that won’t stay on, or you’re miserable because you haven’t pooped in a week, the third trimester is the end of the journey.

Good luck these last few weeks, but you got this! And, in case you need a laugh, here are 30 hilarious and relatable truths about the third trimester.

Here are 30 truths – hilarious and relatable – about the third and, thankfully, final trimester.

The truth about the third trimester is you look and feel more alien-like than ever. Especially when a whole foot—toes and all—protrudes out from your insides. But what the heck? You already feel like you’re living in the Upside Down anyway.

If one more person says, “You’re enormous!” or “Look how big you are!” or “Are you sure there aren’t two in there? Hahaha!” You’re going to drop-kick them to the next town. Why do people say these things to pregnant women?

Like ev-ery-one. The truth about the third trimester? Everyone treats you like you’re a goat at a petting zoo.

Okay, you know now why your friends canceled your “girls’ day out” pedicures when they were eight months pregnant so they could stay home and clean out the closets in their house. You were confused and offended at the time, but now that you’re canceling coffee dates to reorganize the burp cloths for the fourth time, you get it.

The truth about the third trimester is everyone guesses the baby’s weight and what time of day they’ll be born, and your great Aunt Edna is at your baby shower. Even though you haven’t seen her in five years, she keeps calling you Sara when your name is Stephanie. It’s cool, though, because at your baby shower, you get lots of gifts you need from your baby registry—thanks for the diaper bag, Aunt Edna!

By this point, you are so knowledgeable about baby products that you’re considering a career change into the diaper and wipe industry. And the baby isn’t even here yet.

You might as well rip the tags off your new nursing bras. The truth about the third trimester is it’s time to hoist the girls up and provide support. (And get acclimated to those nifty pull-down panels.)

Waving your arms and legs around like a stuck beetle and trying to hold your pee until you can get to the bathroom while your partner peacefully snoozes away next to you makes you irrationally angry. You may have thrown your pillow at him last night in a fit of rage.

That means you can’t take a deep breath and must change your underwear or wear a pad all day now. Don’t let anyone tell you motherhood isn’t glamorous.

When was the last time you saw your feet? Probably back in the bliss of the second trimester. You’re tempted to go for a pedicure, but you’re not sure you’ll be able to get out of the chair afterward. And can you sit that long anyway without having to use the bathroom? Unlikely.

Your partner heard you grunt with frustration about putting on your shoes and offered to help, only to hear you snap, “I CAN DO IT!” But five minutes later, you were sweating and crying and had to admit that you could not, in fact, do it.

You are, of course, excited to meet your little one soon. But you are also very much looking forward to having your ankle bones return and wearing real shoes again.

It’s been on the dresser for weeks, but you don’t care. You’re too tired and uncomfortable to worry about whether anyone thinks you’re married. All that matters is that this gremlin exits your body soon.

It’s a damn watermelon. And it doesn’t feel cute anymore.

Your back is working harder (and your ligaments are stretching more) than ever before to support your growing front. And that means lots of back aches. Safe remedies for pregnancy back pain include wearing flat, comfortable shoes, practicing good posture, lifting with your legs (not your back), and finding relief with heat, cold, and massage.1

Heartburn during the third trimester can be attributed to various factors, including changes in hormone levels and the increased size of your uterus, which is crowding your other organs and pushing stomach acid upward into your esophagus. But no matter the cause, it’s uncomfortable and can ruin a good meal. (And good meals are one of the best parts of pregnancy!) To minimize heartburn, eat smaller meals, eat more slowly, try yogurt or milk, and avoid fried, fatty, or spicy foods.2

Many pregnant women swear by compression socks or stockings to help with varicose veins and swelling. But good luck getting them on when you can’t even find your feet.

Maybe this is another carry-over symptom from the last trimester, or maybe your hemorrhoids are a new, very unwelcomed pregnancy symptom that has just recently appeared. Either way, the truth about the third trimester is they’re brutal and can make you reevaluate your life choices. If you’re suffering from pregnancy-related hemorrhoids, try remedies like eating a high-fiber diet, drinking plenty of liquids, getting up and moving around to take the pressure off your pelvic area, soaking in a warm tub, and applying an ice pack or witch hazel pads (padsicles) to the affected region.3

If you need an explanation for why you feel a shooting pain from your butt cheek to your foot, here it is from Walnut Hill OBGYN: “As your belly grows and ligaments loosen, your center of gravity shifts, which can cause the sciatic nerve to get pinched or irritated.” We understand if you don’t care why it happens and just want relief. Try prenatal yoga stretches like pigeon pose or child’s pose to un-pinch that nerve. Or try heat (on your back, not your belly), massage, or even a pregnancy girdle. Whatever works, right?4

When that wretched leg cramp shoots through your calf muscle in the middle of the night, try a few simple things to help prevent pregnancy leg cramps, like pulling your toes up toward the front of your ankle to stretch the leg out, drinking water, walking around, and applying heat to the sore area. You can also try screaming four-letter words at your husband. It won’t take away the pain, but you might forget about your leg for a hot minute.5

How much more can your skin take? The truth about the third trimester is your stomach looks like a river map that pirates might use to search for treasure. At this point, you couldn’t care less about a buried chest full of gold. You want your bladder to stop being a punching bag and to have normal poop.

But don’t mistake Braxton Hicks contractions for actual labor. They are your body’s way of “getting ready,” but they don’t mean you’re in labor. Trust us, when you’re in labor, you’ll know.

We know the importance of hydration during pregnancy, Linda. But the truth about the third trimester is that our baby is practicing taekwondo on our bladder every minute, and we’re tired of having to pee all day.

You’re both anxious and nervous about how it will all go, but also 1,000% ready to be done waddling around with a beach ball hanging off the front of you. You look down at your balloon-like stomach and say, “It’s time to vacate the premises,” but also, “Or not. Stay in there a bit longer if you want,” because frankly, the truth about the third trimester is you’re a little scared of pushing that little bugger out.

Those cute maternity tops you bought in week 14? Among the truths in the third trimester is that, yeah, they don’t cover your belly anymore. Now you look like Uncle Steve in a crop top after Thanksgiving dinner. And pants? Don’t even bother trying.

Whatever. Hope it wasn’t important.

Except you don’t really “sleep.” The truth about the third trimester is you lie there thinking about how wonderful sleep must be. Also, if your partner even attempts to borrow one of your 12 pillows, your dagger eyes immediately make them regret it.

Why do people do this? You don’t need to hear about how your neighbor Susan hemorrhaged or how it took four hours of pushing and 72 stitches to get your dad out of your grandma. Seriously people. Zip it with the graphic stories.

The truth about the third trimester is you pass 11 seconds of audible gas in the last yoga session. You can’t make a quick exit because a crane and pulley system are now necessary to hoist you up; you realize it’s time to hang up your yoga pants and sit on the couch eating Cheez-Its until the baby comes.

It made you feel better to write it all out in your birth plan, even though you know that in the end, the baby will come out when, where, and how the baby wants to. But it’s never a bad idea to make your team aware of what you want — from pain relief medication to if you wish to use the tub during labor to your choice of calming music on your birth playlist. Also, who do you want in the room? Just your partner and midwife? Or a whole entourage of family and friends filming it all for TikTok? Write it down so people know.

You’ve done it, Mama. You’ve made it to the final chapter, and you’re about to meet your tiny new human who has been annihilating your insides all these months. The truth about the third trimester is that soon; you’ll see your feet. Soon you’ll lie on your stomach again. Soon your middle-of-the-night charley horses will retire to their stalls. And soon, you’ll be a mommy to the most beautiful thing in the world, and you’ll know immediately that all the hemorrhoids in the world were 1,000 times worth it. Even though they still suck.

1. https://www.mayoclinic.org/20046080

2. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/12011

3. https://www.acog.org/84yg9dk

4. https://walnuthillobgyn.com/besen947

5. https://www.mayoclinic.org20057766

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