Should I Continue To Let My In

good question

There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.

Should I Continue To Let My In-Laws Babysit After They Ignored My Toddler's Wet Diaper?

My mother-in-law tends to be anxious and wants incredibly specific instructions when she babysits. I do my best to overprepare, but it's never enough. Last week, my in-laws returned our toddler with the wettest diaper I've ever seen — falling off, pants soaked through — and my mother-in-law's explanation was that I hadn’t specifically instructed her to change a diaper, so she hadn't done it. She said that next time I should write down exactly what time the diaper should be changed so she could set a timer. (It should be changed… when it's wet or dirty? I don't know what time that will happen!) My husband says we just need to work even harder to make things easy for his mom, but it's getting to the point that I worry something actually bad will happen if I forget to spell out something that seems self-explanatory to me ("you need to hold her hand when crossing the street"). I would rather hold off on having them babysit until my daughter is old enough to better advocate for herself. But I don't particularly like my in-laws for other unrelated reasons, so I'm looking for an outside perspective: Are my concerns way off base?

[Slate]

Doyin Richards sides with the letter writer. "In no universe would it seem reasonable to keep a baby in a heavy diaper for hours because step-by-step instructions weren't left regarding when or how to change her,” he writes. Read the rest of his answer.

What Should I Do After My Parents Have Let My Ex Live With Them For Years, Even While I Was Homeless?

I am 49 and have been divorced for 20 years. When we first separated, my ex moved in with my parents while I struggled to raise my four kids. He stayed there for seven years. He moved out until a year and a half ago. Again, my parents have allowed him back in!

While I understand that they shouldn't have had to cease contact because of the divorce, I don't feel it's right for him to be living there. This has caused an ongoing rift between my family and me because I have let them know that it hurts me.

My parents pretty much told me my feelings don't matter. I was homeless living in my car for a few weeks while it was bitter cold and snowing. But I'm not supposed to be upset that he's nice and warm, eating prepared meals, showering and using their vehicles for next to nothing? He has had a full-time job for 10 years.

I feel my parents are disrespectful, hurtful and rude toward me. What are your thoughts about what I should do or how to handle this?

[UExpress]

Abigail Van Buren advises the letter writer to stay as far away from their parents as possible. "My thought is that when you and your ex-husband divorced, your parents sided with him, and you have every right to your feelings," she writes. "Being told that your feelings do not matter had to have been devastating." Read the rest of her answer.

Shouldn't My Friend Have Given Back The Cash I’d Taken Out To Pay For Dinner After We Found Out Someone Else Picked Up The Bill?

I joined a friend for dinner. Waiting for the bill, I put cash on the table for my share. A waitress came and said that a friend of his (who I didn't know) had paid for our meal.

He smiled, pocketed my cash and said we should go thank his friend. Shouldn't he have returned my cash to me?

[UExpress]

"Yes," reply Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin. That's the entirety of their answer, but read the rest of their column.

Should I Tell My Colleague Her Frequent Temper Tantrums Are Disruptive?

I share an office with a colleague. She's very kind and sweet, but will talk and hum to herself constantly throughout the day. It's difficult to get work done with her soundtrack in the background. This is minor, though, compared with full-on temper tantrums she'll throw in the office. When she's frustrated, she will shout profanities, pound on her desk, crumple her papers, and throw her belongings loudly. It's jarring and can make for a very awkward situation. It's also happened several times while I've been on the phone with clients who are shocked to hear someone shouting profanities in the background. I often try to find a conference room while I'm on external calls, but conference room space is scarce.

I'm not sure how to discuss this with her or if I should bring it up at all. Is there a solution beyond buying earplugs and waiting it out?

[Inc.]

Alison Green encourages the letter writer to speak up. "The next time it happens, you can say, 'Jane, can you please keep it down?'" she writes. "'I'm sorry you're frustrated, but it's really distracting and frankly unnerving to have that kind of anger in our office.'" Read the rest of her answer.

What Should I Do When My Son, Who Moved In After His Marriage Failed Due To His Misogyny, Talks Down To My Daughters?

My son has moved back into my home after getting a divorce from his wife of one year. He is 25-years-old, and I feel his marriage failed due to his misogynistic comments. Over the past couple of years, he started watching a YouTuber who has been giving him these ideas.

If I'm honest, I also feel as if his actions are a result of my poor parenting. I am his mother, and I raised him to become the man he is today. Since moving in, he has been making my two daughters' lives much more difficult, and they will often get into arguments with him because he constantly talks down to them. As a mother, this breaks my heart, but it's difficult to intervene and put my foot down because he is a grown man. My daughters tell me that I should kick him out of the house because he shouldn't be here, but I'm scared to do so because his finances are really tight right now due to his divorce and inflation. How do you suggest I navigate this situation?

[UExpress]

Harriette Cole points out that the letter writer is very much entitled to establish ground rules for her son's living with her. "Tell him he can stay with you for a while if he is willing to treat everyone respectfully," she writes. "Otherwise, he has to go." Read the rest of her answer.

What Should I Do When My Husband, Who Knows I Am A Vegetarian, Suggests That I Order Dishes With Meat In Them?

I am a vegetarian. I don't judge what others eat, and I never ask people to accommodate my diet. (There is no risk that I will starve!) But when my husband and I go out to dinner with friends, he often encourages me to order dishes with meat in them so that he and our friends can pick at them — salads with bacon, for instance. Should I explain my philosophy better or just smile and go along with him?

[The New York Times]

Philip Galanes rules that the letter writer's husband should respect their choices. "If you believe your husband is so dim that he doesn't understand what vegetarianism is or that dishes prepared with meat don't work for you, remind him," he writes. "Otherwise, tell him to order a side of bacon for the table if he wants one." Read the rest of his answer.

Read our last week's column here.